Exploring lock-free Rust 1: Locks

As a learning exercise I set out to implement a simple lock-free algorithm in Rust. It was inspired by a problem posed at job interviews at a company where a friend works. The problem is simple enough that it can be tackled by a beginner, but tricky enough to require some thought to get right – and Rust presents several new challenges compared to the original Java.

This series of articles presents the evolution of a simple Rust lock-free container starting from single-threaded, progressing to a multi-threaded variant with locks, and finally settling on a lock-free implementation, discussing the trade-offs at each step. A basic understanding of Rust and of multi-threading programming is assumed, but the articles might be useful to adventurous beginners at both. Do note, however, that the author is not an expert at lock-free programming, so there might be errors – if you find some, please do leave a comment.

The Exercise

Implement a class providing access to a cached value. In more details:

Write a LazyTransform class that stores a single value, allowing it to be updated as needed. The value is potentially expensive to compute, so the setter method, set_source receives a “source” that will be used to compute the final value using a transformation function received in the LazyTransform constructor. Transformation must not be attempted until requested by get_transformed. Once generated, the value is cached and returned by further invocations of get_transformed, until invalidated by a new call to set_source.

A single-threaded version can be summarized with the following Python:

class LazyTransform:
    def __init__(self, transform_fn):
        self.transform_fn = transform_fn
        self.source = None
        self.value = None

    def set_source(self, new_source):
        self.source = new_source

    def get_transformed(self):
        if self.source is not None:
            newval = self.transform_fn(self.source)
            if newval is not None:
                self.value = newval
                self.source = None
        return self.value

The class must support being called from multiple threads, with the following semantics:

  • set_source and get_transformed can and will be called on the same LazyTransformer instance in parallel;
  • Once set_source completes, future invocations of get_transformed must eventually start returning the new value.
  • Read-heavy usage pattern is expected, so get_transformed must not block regardless of how many times set_source or get_transformed are called in other threads. The one exception is when a new source is detected – it is allowed for get_transformed to block until the transformation finishes before returning the transformed value (and caching it for future calls).
  • The code must be lock-free: neither set_source nor get_transformed should get stuck waiting on each other, even if they are called in quick succession or in parallel by many threads, or both.

Rust API tradeoffs

Before proceeding to parallelization, let’s review how the above interface would map to Rust’s type system. Ideally we’d want to place as few restrictions as possible on the type of values used for the source and the final objects; either could be as simple as a single u32 or a huge heap-allocated object. We know, for example, that both the source and the value type must be Send, because they need to be accessed from threads different from those that create them.

Another necessary restriction is that the final value type must be Clone. Why? Consider how the concept of “returning of cached value”, the return self.value line in the above Python, maps to Rust. In Python the semantics are clear because all of its objects are heap-allocated, and you always get the same instance shared. This is also the specified by the original Java exercise, which returns an Object. But a correct Rust implementation needs to deal with an actual value stored in the cache, and has three options for returning it:

  1. move the object out of the container, typically by making the value field an Option and returning self.value.take();
  2. return a reference to the object, return &self.value;
  3. clone the object and return the cloned value to the caller.

The first option obviously doesn’t work because it would prevent get_transformed to return the cached value more than once. The second option looks feasible until one considers that the returned reference cannot be allowed to outlive the stored value. Since the stored value can be invalidated by a call to set_source, which can happen literally at any time, it is clear that allowing a reference to be returned would be unsound. Indeed, all such attempts are promptly rejected by the borrow checker.

Although cloning at first appears like it would be inefficient for arbitrary objects, it actually provides the greatest flexibility for the user. Light values, such as numeric IDs which are Copy (and hence also Clone), or small strings which are cheap to clone, can be placed in the cache as-is. Heavy values, on the other hand, can be dynamically allocated and accessed as Arc<ActualData>, ensuring that their clone only increments a reference count, providing the semantics one would expect from equivalent Python or Java. If needed, one can even combine the two and store a tuple of a light object and a heavy one.

So, LazyTransform needs to be generic on the value type (T) and the source type (S). But let’s not forget the transformation function received by the constructor. Fixing its type to fn(S) -> T would limit it to stateless functions, and we would like the user to be able to provide an arbitrary closure for transformation. One option would be to accept a generic function object in the constructor and box it in a Box<Fn(S) -> T>, but that would impose a dynamic allocation on each LazyTransform instance, as well as an indirection when invoking the function. If the transformation function is known at compile time and carries no state, it should incur neither storage nor run-time indirection overhead. This is easily achieved by adding a third type parameter, that of the transformation function type.

As a demonstration of the API, here is a single-threaded implementation of the container:

pub struct LazyTransform<T, S, FN> {
    transform_fn: FN,
    source: Option<S>,
    value: Option<T>,

impl<T: Clone, S, FN: Fn(S) -> Option<T>> LazyTransform<T, S, FN> {
    pub fn new(transform_fn: FN) -> LazyTransform<T, S, FN> {
        LazyTransform {
            transform_fn: transform_fn,
            source: None, value: None,

    pub fn set_source(&mut self, source: S) {
        self.source = Some(source);

    pub fn get_transformed(&mut self) -> Option<T> {
        if let Some(source) = self.source.take() {
            let newval = (self.transform_fn)(source);
            if newval.is_some() {
                self.value = newval;

In spirit this is exactly the same thing as the original Python, except sprinkled with a healthy dose of static typing.

Compile-time thread safety

What happens if we try to share an instance of LazyTransform among threads? Rust will prevent that at compile time — invoking a &mut method from multiple threads would require creating multiple &mut references to the same object, which is prevented by the borrow checker. For example, the following doesn’t compile:

fn main() {
    let mut lt = LazyTransform::new(|x: u64| Some(x + 1));
    std::thread::spawn(move || {            // lt moved here
        for i in 0..10_000 {
    while lt.get_transformed().is_none() {  // lt used after move
    let val = lt.get_transformed().unwrap();
    assert!(val >= 0 && val < 10_000);

lt gets moved into the closure executed by the new thread, but then it is no longer available for use by the main thread. Sending it by reference wouldn’t work because there can exist only one &mut reference to an object, so we wouldn’t be allowed to send the same reference to multiple threads. Allocating LazyTransform dynamically and using Arc to share it among threads wouldn’t help either because Arc only provides shared access to the data it owns.

In Rust, supporting parallel access to a container requires not only a change in implementation, but also in method signatures. This is an intentional design decision – while Python or Java single-threaded code will happily execute when called from multiple threads, providing incorrect results, the Rust version will refuse to compile when the thread-unsafe LazyTransform object is accessed from two threads.

The compiler uses simple rules to decide whether it is safe to share an object between threads:

  1. Methods invoked from more than one thread must accept &self rather than &mut self. This rule is enforced by the borrow checker for single-threaded code as well.
  2. The object must not contain values of types specifically blacklisted for multi-threaded access even through shared references. In Rust terms, its type must “be Sync”, meaning it implements the Sync marker trait, which most objects do. Examples of non-Sync types are Rc or Cell, and both have thread-safe equivalents.

At a glance, the first rule seems to rule out LazyTransform as a multi-threaded type. Both its public methods clearly modify the object, with set_source even doing that in a way that is observable from the outside. Changing the signatures to accept &self instead of &mut self fails to compile because both methods modify the data behind the &self shared reference, which is prohibited. Accessing an object inside &self will also result in further shared references that are read-only.

To modify data, we must find a way to obtain an exclusive mutable reference from the shared reference to self. This is not allowed for ordinary objects because the compiler would have no way to ensure that writes are exclusive, i.e. that while a thread holds a mutable reference to a value, no other thread can read it or write to it. However, if we could statically convince Rust that the reference’s ownership of the data will be exclusive, it would be within the rules to allow the conversion. This is where mutexes come in.


Rust’s Mutex type provides read-write access to the value it protects, using the appropriate operating system primitive to ensure that this can be done by only one thread at a time. Here is an implementation of LazyTransform updated to use a mutex:

use std::sync::Mutex;

struct LazyState<T, S> {
    source: Option<S>,
    value: Option<T>,

pub struct LazyTransform<T, S, FN> {
    transform_fn: FN,
    state: Mutex<LazyState<T, S>>,

impl<T: Clone, S, FN: Fn(S) -> Option<T>> LazyTransform<T, S, FN> {
    pub fn new(transform_fn: FN) -> LazyTransform<T, S, FN> {
        LazyTransform {
            transform_fn: transform_fn,
            state: Mutex::new(LazyState { source: None, value: None }),

    pub fn set_source(&self, source: S) {
        let mut state = self.state.lock().unwrap();
        state.source = Some(source);

    pub fn get_transformed(&self) -> Option<T> {
        let mut state = self.state.lock().unwrap();
        if let Some(new_source) = state.source.take() {
            let new_value = (self.transform_fn)(new_source);
            if new_value.is_some() {
                state.value = new_value;

Both methods now operate on &self, relying on the mutex to obtain write access to the data in self.state. As far as method signatures are concerned, this is the final version of the API – all future versions will only differ in implementation.

The storage is now split into transform_fn, which is itself immutable and can be invoked from a shared reference, and state, the mutable part of the object’s state moved to a separate struct and enclosed in a mutex. As can be seen here, Rust’s Mutex is a container that holds and owns the data it protects. While that coupling looks strange at first, it enables the mutex to safely grant read-write access to the data it owns.

Calling Mutex::lock() waits until an exclusive OS lock is acquired, then returns a “guard” object, that both LazyTransform methods store in a local variable called state. The mutex will not be unlocked until the guard goes out of scope. Therefore the existence of a live guard represents a proof that the mutex is locked and therefore provides read-write access to the underlying data.

In Rust’s twist on mutex semantics, the very meaning of the act of locking a mutex is obtaining temporary exclusive write access to its data through a temporary guard object. Despite self being a shared reference, a successful self.state.lock() grants access to &mut LazyState that may last for as long as the mutex is locked (guard exists) and no more. This is the crux of the way Rust prevents data races through static analysis.

Other than the curious mutex design, there is nothing really interesting about the code itself. Once the mutex is locked, both functions do exactly the same thing that their single-threaded counterparts did. While this code is thread-safe in the sense Rust promises, i.e. free from data races, it is still very far from being efficient when invoked in parallel, even ignoring the stringent lock-free requirements. In particular, get_transformed is extremely inefficient in a read-heavy scenario because each call blocks all other calls even when set_source isn’t called at all. When a transformation is in progress, all the other readers are blocked until it is finished.

Fine-grained locking

To minimize the amount of time spent waiting, we can take advantage of the following facts:

  • The methods are operating on two distinct pieces of data, source and value. set_source, for example, doesn’t access value at all. The two fields can be protected with different locks.
  • get_transformed has two distinct modes of operation: a fast one when it only returns the cached value, and the slow one when it detects that the source has changed and it needs to calculate the new value. The vast majority of calls to get_transformed can be expected to belong to the “fast” scenario.

Here is an implementation that uses finer-grained locking to ensure that readers don’t wait for either writers or other readers:

use std::sync::{Mutex, RwLock};

pub struct LazyTransform<T, S, FN> {
    transform_fn: FN,
    source: Mutex<Option<S>>,
    value: RwLock<Option<T>>,
    transform_lock: Mutex<()>,

impl<T: Clone, S, FN: Fn(S) -> Option<T>> LazyTransform<T, S, FN> {
    pub fn new(transform_fn: FN) -> LazyTransform<T, S, FN> {
        LazyTransform {
            transform_fn: transform_fn,
            source: Mutex::new(None),
            value: RwLock::new(None),
            transform_lock: Mutex::new(()),

    pub fn set_source(&self, source: S) {
        let mut locked_source = self.source.lock().unwrap();
        *locked_source = Some(source);

    pub fn get_transformed(&self) -> Option<T> {
        if let Ok(_) = self.transform_lock.try_lock() {
            let mut new_source = None;
            if let Ok(mut locked_source) = self.source.try_lock() {
                new_source = locked_source.take();
            if let Some(new_source) = new_source {
                let new_value = (self.transform_fn)(new_source);
                if new_value.is_some() {
                    *self.value.write().unwrap() = new_value.clone();
                    return new_value;

In this implementation there is no longer a “state” structure protected by a coarse mutex, we are back to individual fields. The source field is protected by its own mutex and the value field is protected by a separate RwLock, which is like a mutex, except it allows read access by multiple concurrent readers that don’t block each other. Finally, a new transform_lock field doesn’t protect any particular piece of data, it serves as something resembling a conventional mutex.

set_source locks the source mutex and replaces the source with the new value. It assigns to *locked_source because locked_source is just the variable holding the guard, and assigning Option<S> to it would be a type error. Since the guard provides automatic access to &mut Option<S>, *locked_source at the left-hand side of the assignment serves to both coerce the guard to &mut Option<S> (returned by guard’s implementation of DerefMut::deref_mut) and at the same time to dereference it, so that the value behind the reference is replaced with the new one.

get_transformed is more sophisticated. It first ensures that only a single call attempts to interact with the writer at one time. This is for two reasons: first, to avoid set_source being “attacked” by a potentially large number of readers in a read-heavy scenario. Second, we want to prevent more than one transformation happening in parallel, which would require the result of one expensive transformation to be thrown away. The synchronization is implemented using try_lock, which immediately returns if the lock could not be obtained. In case of failure to lock, get_transformed gives up and returns the cached value, which meets its requirements. If it acquires transform_lock, it proceeds to check whether a new source is available, again with a try_lock and a fallback to returning the cached value. This ensures that get_transformed gets out of the way of set_source as much as possible. If it acquires the source lock, it uses Option::take() to grab the new value, leaving None in its place. If the captured source is not None, meaning a new source was published since the last check, get_transformed performs the transformation, caches its result, and returns a copy.

get_transformed uses a RwLock to ensure that readers don’t wait for each other, but that the update is exclusive. RwLock nicely maps to Rust’s ownership system by RwLock::read returning a guard that provides shared reference to the underlying data, and RwLock::write returning a guard that provides a mutable reference.

This implementation is about as good as it can get with the use of locks. The problem statement, however, requires get_transformed and set_source not to block each other regardless of how often they are invoked. The above implementation will attempt an exclusive lock of source just to check if a new source has appeared. When this lock succeeds, set_source will be blocked for the duration of the lock. In a read-heavy scenario, get_transformed will be called often and by many different threads, and it is easy to imagine it hogging the lock enough to slow down set_source, which must wait to acquire the lock (it cannot use try_lock) in order to do its job.

Changing this requires looking outside the constructs offered by safe Rust, as discussed in the next post.

Error reporting on Linux via Gmail for automated tasks

Have a critical cron’d automated task? You’d like to be notified if something fails? With the ubiquity of smartphones, you can notice an error right away and take action.

Wow, someone wrote to me! It’s from someone named “mdadm”. Must be spam again!

Computers sending emails for various purposes is nothing new. I have a couple of critical cron jobs on my home computer; syncing the family photos to my remote server, backing up the said remote server to my local computer, etc. These are all tasks that are defined in the daily crontab, and without a proper or any alerting system, something can go wrong and you can really find yourself in a bind if it turns out the backup procedure died months ago because the ssh key changed or something. You can either check the backup or automated task every single day to make sure nothing went wrong, or you can setup a robust alerting system that will send you an email if something goes wrong. This is not the only use case, Mdadm can also send you an email if a disk drops from a RAID array etc.

Setting up a Gmail relay system with Postfix

Installing and managing an email service is difficult, and you have to contend with all sorts of issues, is your server blacklisted, do you have the appropriate SPF records, is your IP reverse resolvable to the domain name etc, etc. Most of these requirements are difficult or impossible with a simple home computer behind a router without an FQDN. With the relay, you’ll be able to send an email without having to worry if it’ll end up in spam, or not delivered at all as it will be sent from a real Gmail account. Luckily, it’s extremely simple to set it up:

  • Create a Gmail account.
  • Allow “less secure” apps access your new gmail account. Don’t be fooled by how they’re calling it, we’ll be having full encryption for email transfer.
  • Setup Postfix.

I’ll keep the Postfix related setup high level only:

  • Install Postfix with your package manager and select “Internet site”
  • Edit /etc/postfix/sasl_passwd and add:
[smtp.gmail.com]:587    username@gmail.com:PASSWORD
  • Chmod /etc/postfix/sasl_passwd to 600
  • At the end of /etc/postfix/main.cf add:
relayhost = [smtp.gmail.com]:587 # the relayhost variable is empty by default, just fill in the rest
smtp_use_tls = yes
smtp_sasl_auth_enable = yes
smtp_sasl_security_options =
smtp_sasl_password_maps = hash:/etc/postfix/sasl_passwd
smtp_tls_CAfile = /etc/ssl/certs/ca-certificates.crt
  • Use postmap to hash and compile the contents of the sasl_password file:
# postmap /etc/postfix/sasl_passwd
  • Restart the postfix service

Your computer should now be able to send emails. Test with a little bit of here document magic:

$ mail -s "Testing email" youremail@example.com << EOF
Testing email :)

If everything went fine, you should be getting the email promptly from your new gmail account. I haven’t tried with other email providers, but it should all be pretty much the same.

Usage example

Now that you have a working relay, it’s time to put it to good use. Here is a simple template script with two key functions that can be sourced through Bash so you can use it within other scripts without having to copy & paste it around.


# Global variables
NAME=$(basename "$0")
HOST=$(hostname -s)

# All STDERR is appended to $LOG
exec 2>>$LOG

# An alert function if the locking fails
function lock_failure {
  mail -s "Instance of "$0" is already running on $HOST" $EMAIL << EOF
Instance of "$0" already running on $HOST. Locking failed.
  exit 1

# An alert function if something goes wrong in the main procedure
function failure_alert {
  mail -s "An error has occured with "$0" on $HOST" $EMAIL << EOF
An error has occured with "$0" on $HOST. Procedure failed. Please check "$LOG"
  exit 1

function procedure {
  # If file locking with FD 9 fails, lock_failure is invoked
    flock -n 9 || lock_failure
      # The entire procedure is started in a subshell with set -e. If a command fails
      # the subshell will return a non-zero exit status and will trigger failure_alert
      set -e
      date >> $LOG
      command 1
      command 2

    if [ $? != 0 ]; then


function main {


flock(1) is used to make sure there is only one instance of the script running, and we’re checking the exit status of the commands. If you don’t need instance locking, you can simply forego the lock_failure function. The actual work is contained in another subshell which is terminated if any of the commands in the chain fail and sends an email advising you to check $LOG.


A lot of Linux services like Mdadm or S.M.A.R.T. have a feature to send emails if something goes wrong. For example, I set it up to send me an email if a drive fails inside my RAID 1 array, I just had to enter my email address in a variable called MAILADDR in the mdadm.conf file. A couple of days later, I received an email at 7 AM; ooooh someone emailed me. I had a rude awakening, it was Mr. Mdadm saying that I have a degraded array. It turned out to be the SATA cabling that was at fault, but still. This could have gone unnoticed for who knows how long and if the other disk from the RAID 1 failed later on, I could have had serious data loss. If you want to keep your data long term you can’t take any chances, you need to know if your RAID has blown up and not rely on yourself to check it out periodically, you won’t, you can’t, that’s why we automate.

Be careful when you write these programs. If your script is buggy and starts sending a lot of emails at once for no good reason, Gmail will block your ass faster than you can say “Linux rules!” If you’re blocked by Gmail, you might miss an important email from your computer.

Closure lifetimes in Rust

In a comment on my answer to a StackOverflow question about callbacks in Rust, the commenter asked why it is necessary to specify 'static lifetime when boxing closures. The code in the answer looks similar to this:

struct Processor {
    callback: Box<dyn Fn()>,

impl Processor {
    fn new() -> Processor {
        Processor { callback: Box::new(|| ()) }
    fn set_callback<CB: 'static + Fn()>(&mut self, c: CB) {
        self.callback = Box::new(c);
    fn invoke(&self) {

It seems redundant to specify the lifetime of a boxed object that we already own. In other places when we create a Box<T>, we don’t need to add 'static to T’s trait bounds. But without the 'static bound the code fails to compile, complaining that “the parameter type CB may not live long enough.” This is a strange error – normally the borrow checker complains of an object not living long enough, but here it specifically refers to the type.

Let’s say Processor::set_callback compiled without the lifetime trait on Fn(). In that case the following usage would be legal as well:

fn crash_rust() {
    let mut p = Processor::new();
        let s = "hi".to_string();
        p.set_callback(|| println!("{}", s.len()));
    // access to destroyed "s"!

When analyzing set_callback, Rust notices that the returned box could easily outlive the data referenced by the CB closure and requires a harder lifetime bound, even helpfully suggesting 'static as a safe choice. If we add 'static to the bound of CB, set_callback compiles, but crash_rust predictably doesn’t. In case the desire was not to actually crash Rust, it is easy to fix the closure simply by adding move in front of it closure, as is is again helpfully suggested by the compiler. Moving s into the closure makes the closure own it, and it will not be destroyed for as long as the closure is kept alive.

This also explains the error message – it is not c that may not live long enough, it is the references captured by the arbitrary CB closure type. The 'static bound ensures the closure is only allowed to refer to static data which by definition outlives everything. The downside is that it becomes impossible for the closure to refer to any non-static data, even one that outlives Processor. Fixing the closure by moving all captured values inside it is not always possible, sometimes we want the closure to capture by reference because we also need the value elsewhere. For example, we would like the following to compile:

// safe but currently disallowed
    let s = "hi".to_string();
    let mut p = Processor::new();
    p.set_callback(|| println!("later {}", s.len()));
    println!("sooner: {}", s.len());
    // safe - "s" lives longer than "p"

Rust makes it possible to pin the lifetime to one of a specific object. Using this definition of Processor:

struct Processor<'a> {
    // the boxed closure is free to reference any data that
    // doesn't outlive this Processor instance
    callback: Box<dyn 'a + Fn()>,

impl<'a> Processor<'a> {
    fn new() -> Processor<'a> {
        Processor { callback: Box::new(|| ()) }
    fn set_callback<CB: 'a + Fn()>(&mut self, c: CB) {
        self.callback = Box::new(c);
    fn invoke(&self) {

…allows the safe code to compile, while still disallowing crash_rust.

Potato House

Nema više Potato Housea. Vlasnik tužno stoji ispred lokala i pozdravlja se sa stalnim mušterijama.

Za one koji ne znaju, Potato House je bio fini bistro generalno ruskog stila u kojem su se mogle dobiti odlične guste juhe, npr. boršč, kao i još nekolicina pomno probranih jela. Njihov specijalitet bio je kuhani krumpir izdubljen, na licu mjesta obogaćen smjesom maslaca i krumpira, kao i umacima s nekoliko okusa (indijski, chilli con carne, kikiriki+piletina, ćuftice…). Nazvati ih restoranom brze hrane bilo bi tehnički ispravno, jer tamo bi hrana brzo stigla, ali potpuno promašeno po kvaliteti, koja je bila daleko iznad onog što se normalno podrazumijeva pod fast foodom. I sve to po vrlo prihvatljivim cijenama.

Priča čovjek da zatvara jer “nakon tri godine više ne može”. I nakon svih horor priča o besmislenim propisima, uspjelo me šokirati da “objekt koji nema vlastiti WC mora imati isključivo visoke stolove”. Ha? “Time si mi diskriminirao niže ljude, starce, djecu, invalide”, nastavlja ogorčeno. “I zašto moram plaćati turističkoj komori, naknadu za šume? Kakve to ima veze sa mnom?” Pa problemi s osobljem, skup najam lokala, opće nerazumijevanje na svakom koraku.

“Puno lokala se danas otvara, ali ih se još više zatvara”, kaže, a to i sam vidim. Usprkos današnjem boomu restoranske ponude (ili baš zbog njega) u zadnjih mjesec-dva nestalo nekoliko meni dragih mjesta – “Kroštula” kod Cvjetnog, slastičarnica s vaflima u Masarykovoj, a evo sad i Potato House. A ni propast “Kiše”, čija se vlasnica također žalila na nemoguće propise, nije bila tako davno.

Nadam se da će boom zagrebačke restoranske ponude dovesti u biznis nove ljude, od kojih se neki možda i uspješno izbore s hrvatskom poslovnom klimom.

Secure and persistent NAT busting using SSH and autossh

SSH can be more than a secure shell. It has a cornucopia of features and use cases, it’s mature, and extremely widely used. I’ll cover NAT busting today with SSH. Say your parents are behind a shitty ISP and an unstable connection, and your mother has Linux installed, while your father has Windows installed. His computer sometimes misbehaves, and you want to connect via VNC, but the shitty router of the shitty ISP has managed to mangle all the port forward configs and the dyndns script failed to update the IP because $REASONS. As with all NAT busting schemes, you’ll need a third computer somewhere connected to the internet with a fixed IP address.

What’s the problem?

Simply put, NAT (Network address translation) is a popular way to group many IP addresses (computers and various devices, phones on a local area network) into a public facing one. When you connect to a remote host, the router keeps track of individual requests. If your computer’s address is, the remote host can’t send data back to a private network across the internet. The response is sent back to the public IP address and a random port chosen by your home router, which is then forwarded to from the router. This all works great for connecting to websites, game servers, and whatnot, but what if you want to connect from the outside to a specific computer inside a NAT-ed environment in a way that is robust and secure?

SSH to the rescue

I’ll first cover the steps how to perform NAT busting to get access to the hypothetical mother computer:

  • Create a user for that purpose on the server with the fixed IP. Use /bin/false as the user shell as an extra security measure.
  • Place the mother’s public SSH key in the user’s authorized_keys file for passwordless login.
  • You’ll need to put GatewayPorts yes and ClientAliveInterval 10 in the sshd config on the server and restart the SSH daemon. The ClientAliveInterval setting is very important, I’ll come back to it.

After this is done, we can proceed with setting up the actual tunnel:

$ ssh -fNg -R 52004:localhost:22 user@fixedipserver.net # On the mother's computer
$ ssh -p 52004 mother@fixedipserver.net # Connect to the mother's computer 

"-f" switches ssh right to the background, "-N" is a switch to not execute any remote command, "-g" allows remote hosts to connect to local forwarded ports, and "-R" is here to specify the remote port, the IP on the local server, in our case localhost and local port, port:host:hostport. The "GatewayPorts yes" option is needed because SSH by default won’t allow to bind on anything other than, I guess this is a security feature. Basically, we have now exposed the port 22 of my mother’s computer and bound it to the 52004 port on fixedipserver.net so make sure that your dear mother’s SSH is properly secure, it would be best to disable password logins altogether if possible. The fixed IP server now acts as a bridge between you and the computer behind the NAT, and when you ssh to the port 52004 you’ll be expected to present the credentials of the mother’s computer, and not the fixed IP server. Nice, huh?

Wait a second Mr. Kitty, how exactly is this persistent?

It’s not. Two problems come to mind; the mother reboots the computer and poof, the tunnel is gone, or the shitty ISP router reconnects. Enter Autossh, it comes packaged with most newer distros. The author says: “autossh is a program to start a copy of ssh and monitor it, restarting it as necessary should it die or stop passing traffic.”

Wow, just what we need! We’ll just fire it up like so:

$ autossh -fNg -R 52004:localhost:22 user@fixedipserver.net

As you can see the options for ssh are identical. To make it truly persistent add to the mother’s crontab the following entry:

@reboot autossh -fNg -R 52004:localhost:22 user@fixedipserver.net

Finally, to connect to the father’s private address on their LAN and VNC port we can use something like:

$ ssh -fNg -R 5900: user@fixedipserver.net

Please note that you need to enable GatewayPorts yes on the mother’s computer as well if you want to route traffic like this. No need for autossh for these temporary interventions, and it’s probably a bad idea to have port 5900 open to the public all the time.

Autossh tuning for an even more robust tunnel

Autossh with its default settings is probably good enough for most cases. Certain ISP routers have a very nasty habit of killing idle connections. No communications on an open TCP connection for 2 minutes? Drop it like a hot potato without letting anyone know. The computer behind the router is convinced the connection is still alive, but if it tries to communicate via that open connection all the packets seemingly go into a black hole and the network stack takes a while to realize what’s going on. Now, let’s get back to ClientAliveInterval 10 and why it’s so important:

export AUTOSSH_POLL=45
autossh -M 0 -o "ExitOnForwardFailure yes" -o "ServerAliveInterval 15" -o "ServerAliveCountMax 2" -fNg -R 52004:localhost:22 user@fixedipserver.net

This is all fine and dandy, but a true sysadmin will always test his assumptions and procedures. I setup a simple autossh tunnel, browsed to my DD-WRT web GUI and reset the modem to simulate an internet crash. The modem quickly recovered, the internet connection was restored and after a few minutes, whoops:

$ telnet fixedipserver.net 52004
Connected to fixedipserver.net.
Escape character is '^]'.

Not good, where the hell is “SSH-2.0-OpenSSH_7.2p2 Ubuntu-4ubuntu2.1” that I usually get? I only managed to connect to the dangling port on the server that leads nowhere. The connection server-side is disconnected after 30 seconds at these settings, however under slightly different conditions while I was testing the port 52004 is still bound by the old connection the ssh daemon hasn’t cleaned up yet causing ssh to fail to create a tunnel because the server says that port 52004 is busy. Fine, fair enough, however the big problem is that ssh will not exit because of this when trying to establish a tunnel. It’s a warning only and the process is still up & running. As far as autossh is concerned all is dandy. Well, it’s not! With the -o "ExitOnForwardFailure yes" we force that this kind of error makes ssh exit with a non-zero exit status and makes autossh do its intended purpose; try to reconnect again and again. The environment variable AUTOSSH_POLL makes it do internal checks of the ssh process a little bit more frequently.

The -M 0 disables autossh’s builtin monitoring using echo and relying on SSH’s very own ServerAliveInterval 15 which probes the connection every 15 seconds, and ServerAliveCountMax 2 is the number of tries until SSH will kill off the connection if the connection is down. In conjunction with ServerAliveInterval 15 assuming the connection was reset, ssh will again exit with a nasty non-zero exit status which will force autossh to react. It is an absolutely crucial setting to achieve true high availability with a disconnecty modem. The idea is to get an up & running tunnel as soon as it’s theoretically possible, IE, the end client has a fully working internet connection once again. Without the echo method we achieve a pretty simple and robust setup in the end.

If you connect to fixedipserver.net port 5900 it will route you to the father’s computer over the mother’s computer. If you connect to port 52004 you will get the mother’s ssh service, port 22.

TL;DR – get it up & running, the robust version

  • Create a user on the fixed IP server with /bin/false as the shell and enable passwordless login with SSH
  • Set the two following options in the sshd config and reload the daemon:
GatewayPorts yes
ClientAliveInterval 10
  • We’ll need to set an environment variable before starting Autossh. You can use this as a reference for a simple script:

REMOTE_PORT=40000 # The exposed port on the fixed IP server that you'll be connecting to
DESTINATION_HOST=localhost # Any host that is connectable from the computer initiating ssh/autossh can be set, be it a server inside the LAN, or a server on the internet, or localhost, it doesn't matter to SSH
LOCAL_PORT=22 # The destination port we want to have access to (port 22 - SSH in our example, can be anything, doesn't even need to be open)

export AUTOSSH_POLL=45
autossh -M 0 -o "ExitOnForwardFailure yes" -o "ServerAliveInterval 15" -o "ServerAliveCountMax 2" -fNg -R $REMOTE_PORT:$DESTINATION_HOST:$LOCAL_PORT user@fixedipserver.net
  • And finally, you can set a cronjob:
@reboot connect_script

Final thoughts

The robust tunnel part is really necessary if you have a mission critical server or client somewhere behind a flaky connection, whether you need it for pure ssh access or you need it for something like VNC or another service somewhere on the remote private network. Please keep in mind that any forwards you setup like this will be available from anywhere on our hypothetical fixedipserver.net server. Who knows what kind of vulnerabilities a service has, so firewall everything off on the server with the fixed IP. There is some good news though, if someone does hack into the remote machine via your open VNC port or whatever, you can rest assured in the knowledge that their traffic between the fixed IP server and your pwned service are safe with a state of the art encryption protocol provided by the wonderful Secure Shell.

Fast movie reviews

Mistress America

An intriguing movie covering a coming-of-age sort of thing in New York City. Tracy (Lola Kirke) is an aspiring would-be writer having trouble fitting in at Barnard, so on her mother’s advice she contacts her soon to be step-sister Brooke (Greta Girwig). The movie doesn’t have the sort of predictability you would come to expect, the characters are likable, their relationships and dialogues interesting. Brooke wants to open up a restaurant which is also a hipster paradise, a place where you can hang around and talk, and of course order food, be able to trade etc. She goes a long way but needs some capital to get things started. She’s a smart and independent woman, but still realistically clueless, as we all are when we’re in our thirties. She goes to her ex to get him to invest in the new business, Tracy accompanies her because she really believes in Brooke and is sort of in love with her. There is no one to drive her but Tracy’s ex-crush and his new girlfriend. A mishmash of characters that somehow work together nicely.

The whole movie in the end is sort of depressing, but hey, that’s life. Greta Girwig is a really beautiful and talented actress, I’ll have to keep an eye out for this one. Definitely recommended.


Yes, there’s a female character in the movie too.
An aesthetically pleasing sci-fi flick with a minimal cast and beautiful scenery. The starship Avalon is travelling at 0.5c towards a distant colony. The entire crew and its 5000 passengers are in deep stasis of some kind since the voyage to Homestead II takes about 120 years. Our protagonist Jim’s (Chris Pratt) stasis pod starts a reanimation sequence due to a very specific and unlikely event. The passengers are suppose to be reanimated some 4 months before arriving to the distant colony, but Jim is awaken some 88 years before the voyage ends.

There’s a lot of details in the movie, it’s a part of a new trend where the sci-fi film is realistic as possible. No FTL, no wormholing, no fancy SF shit, a ship like this is maybe possible within 10 generations, maybe. Jim sends a message back to home, but since they’re 30 years out already, it’d take approximately 17 years for the message to reach Earth and then it would have to catch up to the Avalon when they reply, so the earliest reply is in 55 years. Great, a lifetime spent in the bowels of a ship, but it’s not all so grim, he has an android bartender named Arthur (Michael Sheen) to keep him company, and has plenty of food. The movie has a weird melancholy attached to it, how everyone has a different reason for choosing such a strange life as by the time you reach the other world all your family and friends will have died. It’s the ultimate fresh start. Not going to spoil the movie further, surprisingly recommendable for a mainstream movie.

Kiss of the Damned

Now this movie is a particularly interesting take on the vampire genre by a director called Xen Cassavetes. An exquisitely fresh combination of erotic scenes, common vampire themes along with a narrative to explain and explore how an underground vampire society could co-exist with humans. Humans are still preyed upon for food, but is generally not done as the vampires are afraid their cover would be blown. The vampires drink animal blood and substitutes, live in lavish and remote houses where maids reside during the day to keep an eye out for their employers while they sleep and of course do housework. The maid in the movie has a rare genetic blood disorder which makes her completely unattractive to the vampires and that makes her very sought after.

The story begins where Paolo (the always lovable Milo Ventimigla) meets Djuna (Joséphine de La Baume), a hot vampire. They of course, fall in love and very soon proceed to have hot human-vampire sex. She’s shy at first because she has to reveal her true form and insists Paolo chains her to her bed so she can’t hurt him. She turns and the shackles are barely able to hold her sexy demonic form on the bed. This is a major turn on for Paolo who promptly unchains her and they have sex. Oh, she technically kills him in the process but it’s all right since he’s now a vampire. His senses are heightened, can’t stand the daylight and is always battling the urge to suck a human dry.

They’re a match made in heaven, all they have to do is fuck all night and be philosophical since Djuna has a very wealthy and influential vampire upper society friend who lets them use her fabulous house somewhere in the country. They got no jobs, no bills, very convenient for a love story. Their seemingly peaceful (un)life is disrupted when Djuna’s disturbed and of course hot vampire sister arrives, Mimi (Roxane Mesquida). The sisters are pretty ancient, hundreds of years or so and are always fighting. Mimi seems to resent the fact that Djuna turned a human as they swore they’d never do something like that. Mimi is a disruptive element to anyone that has anything to do with her and causes chaos for everyone. Her story line has a great ending, not gonna spoil that one for you.

In essence, a totally unheard of movie which I personally kind of liked. Definitely recommended if you don’t only favor movies with an ensemble cast or a strong and popular lead. Decent exploration of the vampire theme, actually pretty decent acting in a way, and a surprising amount of eroticism in it.

A collection of random edits of photos, some slight pixel rearrangements etc. I’d like to say that each picture represents something meaningful, but it doesn’t.

Access your photo collection from a smartphone

The wonders of the smartphone. For us tech savvy people the current modern variant of the smartphone is pretty neat. You can navigate across the globe with the maps, you can of course listen to music or watch films, take photos, view photos, surf the net, etc. As most parents, I too love to talk about my kid, and I like showing a couple of pics to friends.

In earlier posts I was talking about managing, keeping your collection safe, organized. What if you find yourself in the situation that you want to show a specific picture to someone? You can’t expect to have all the photos you’ve taken over various devices to be present on your smartphone. This seemed like a good idea actually, to have access to all of your pictures on the phone.

My wishlist:

  • The pics themselves be somewhere on the internet, or my home computer so I can connect via a dynamic DNS service.
  • The pictures are scaled and quality lowered, so I don’t spend a lot of mobile data viewing unnecessarily large photographs, ~100 KiB per picture or even less. It should be fine for a smartphone display.
  • It would be extremely nice if the whole thing is encrypted end to end.

Turns out there are a couple of solutions already present on the market. One of them is Plex. A cursory glance at the website seems to indicate that it has what I want. There were some issues, however. First off, it’s a totally closed, proprietary bullshit service. How does it work? Supposedly you install the Plex media server on your computer, and with a client on your smartphone you connect directly to your library of photos, videos and music on your PC. Someone even packaged it for Arch Linux. The entire package is over 130 MiB in size. Unfortunately, this service is a bit of an overkill for my requirements. It’s an entire platform for you to play your mostly pirated stuff from a remote location. Sure, that makes sense for some people, but all I need is a gallery viewer and to somehow fetch the photos over the internet.

My first thought was, do they even encrypt this traffic between the phone and your home computer? Of course they didn’t. They do now, but the encryption was implemented a couple of months ago. Seems they even pitched in for a wildcard SSL certificate of some sort. If it’s a wildcard certificate for their domains, that means they proxy the traffic somehow. But considering their track record with basic security, ie, having no encryption of any kind, I’m not so convinced they actually encrypt the entire stream from end to end. To be fair, they have to support a lot of shady devices, like TVs and such, and there’s no telling what kind of CAs do these devices have and what kind of limitations are imposed.

OK, so I gave up on Plex, there has to be some kind of simpler solution. I noticed that an app I was already using, QuickPic, has native support for Flickr, Picasa, some others, and Owncloud. I really don’t want to give all my photos to a nameless cloud provider, but Owncloud, now that’s something. I have a budget dedicated server in Paris, and I decided to give it a try. I won’t go into details on how to install Owncloud. I’m using the Nginx webserver with PHP-FPM. Since the server isn’t exactly mine, and I have issues with trusting private data to anyone, I decided to use a loopback device on the server with a bigass file, and encrypted it with cryptsetup and is mounted to serve as the data directory of Owncloud. This way, once the server is decommissioned or a disk fails, no one will be able to see the content from the Owncloud data directory.

I don’t really want to go into the Owncloud installation. It’s relatively simple, it supports MySQL, Postgresql, sqlite, needs a reasonably recent PHP version and a webserver like Apache, or Nginx. So all I had to do now is prepare the photos, so I can upload them. And once again, Linux comes to the rescue. First, I copied the entire library to somewhere so I can test out the recoding mechanism. All my photos are in an extremely simple hierarchy. YYYY-MM, so that’s 12 directories per year. So:

for i in * ; do (cd $i; mogrify -auto-orient -quality 55 *); done

After that it’s pretty much as you’d expect. Upload the photos via the Owncloud client for Linux which works pretty much Dropbox. Once it’s uploaded you can setup QuickPic on your android phone to connect to the Owncloud instance. And that’s it, you can now access your full photo collection, you’ll just have to periodically add new pictures into the mix. Keep in mind that Owncloud generates the thumbnails on the fly when QuickPic requests photos, which is pretty cool. It’s not blazing fast, but it’s acceptable. The thumbnails are then cached in the Owncloud’s data directory, meaning that it will be a lot faster the second time you view the same directory.

I’ve also setup a script that automatically recodes all the images I take from my digital camera and uploads it to the server. That way I can have access to all the latest photos, I can view them from anywhere. Everything is reasonably secure, under your control.

QuickPic is a great photo app for smartphones in general, not just for Owncloud used in this way.
QuickPic is a great photo app for smartphones in general, not just for Owncloud used in this way.

The Lobster – a science fiction movie or not?

Directed by: Yorgos Lanthimos Cast: Colin Farrell, Rachel Weisz, Léa Seydoux, […]

Not sure what genre The Lobster belongs to, I’d say dystopian present, and no SF to be found. The movie is a wonderful blend of surreal exterior and interior shots, great camera work and angles, and an intrusive musical score that conveys the uneasy atmosphere throughout the movie.

The non spoiler synopsis:

Colin Farrell is David with a silly mustache, a man that is sent off to a hotel that is dedicated for pairing people up. If they fail to do so within the first 45 days, they are turned into an animal of their choosing. The only way to leave the hotel is either fall in love with someone, or simply by running away. Extending your stay in human form without falling in love is only possible by hunting down the people that have run away from the hotel and brought back to be turned into an animal.

Spoilers ahoy — The story

The story starts with David entering the hotel and having his expectations explained by a woman with a very creepy bureaucratic voice. He is accompanied by a dog that he reveals is his brother that “didn’t make it”, at the very same hotel. The movie continues to show the day to day lives of the hotel guests. Society expects them to fall in love with a person, doesn’t matter which gender. They need to prove their love is real, lest they suffer the consequences. The hotel staff is very strict and rigid. It is in societies’ best interest to pair people off, and the hotel is there for that purpose only. Masturbation is strictly prohibited on the hotel grounds. The female staff is arousing the male guests at regular intervals by grinding their crotch to achieve erection and then leaving them with a nasty case of blue balls and no masturbation as an option.

This is what I call cruel and unusual punishment
This is what I call cruel and unusual punishment

David sees a chance of pairing off with a woman that is notorious at the premises, as having the most days lined up, over 150 of them, as you get a day extension for each person you bring back to the hotel. The woman is completely heartless, stripped away of any emotions, but still even she has some interest in pairing and leaving the hotel. Some couples are given children to help them bond, and David in one instance adapts to the psychopath and becomes completely heartless, like kicking the little girl in the leg front of their guardians, because her new father has a limp so they’re more alike.

He completely changes for this person, but is still rattled when she outright kills his brother, the dog. She comes into the room and says she killed him by kicking him over and over and that he might still be alive. The frame then shows her leg which is dripping blood from kicking the poor dog incessantly. David simply shrugs it off and saying that it doesn’t matter. He goes to brush his teeth and sees the dog – his brother, lying in a pool of blood and with an open wound on the abdomen. David starts brushing his teeth, but breaks down in tears. The woman catches him weeping and is dragging him to the hotel manager, because he was lying, he DOES have feelings for something or someone, and they aren’t a match.

David eventually flees the hotel, and joins the loners, the people that choose to be alone and don’t want to be with someone. They also have very strict rules and punishments for those that become involved, for example is someone is caught kissing, they slice open the lips of both people and force them to kiss. At this point the movie sort of loses its momentum. There are a couple of scenes from the city, where everyone is openly and annoyingly together. People are stopped for random checks of their marriage certificates to prove they’re not alone and are checked for mud to make sure they’re not runaway loners around the city.

Why not an SF movie?

Everyone says that the movie is sci-fi, because of the dystopian future and the animal transformations. At no point in the movie is the transformation shown or adequately explained. Rumors are flying around the hotel of how it is done, but no one knows for sure. The movie is satire and criticism of our society, how little we sometimes ask questions. All the characters in the movie don’t really see that the hotel staff is abusive and their whole exploit is completely insane. I think the transformations are some sort of metaphor, the people are probably killed. The movie goes as far as to never really prove that the animals were human, and that their essence is somehow captured within the animal. One of the characters says that his mother was left by his father and that she was transformed into a wolf and sent off to a zoo. He went to the zoo as often as possible and gave raw meat to the wolves, as that is what wolves normally eat. He fell into the wolf pit one day and all of the wolves, save for two, came attacking him because and he claimed that one of the two wolves was his mother, he had no idea which. The animals obviously do not have any human left in them, or they’re completely unable to show it and if so, one has to wonder were they ever human at all, or are all the people from the hotel and the picked up loners are simply murdered and this wild story is being fed to them – again a metaphor of the modern world and our lulled existence within it.

Should you see it?

Yes, you should. The movie, despite the several shortcomings is visually great, has solid dialogue and narration. The movie in the end doesn’t explain how and why is society like this. I thought that it might be aliens or something but the movie really leaves it to your imagination. The Lobster isn’t mainstream and is probably unwatchable for a lot of people. I usually rate movies by how much I think about them in the days after watching them, this one has stuck for a while. Bad movies are forgotten as soon as they’re watched, good ones stick a while.

Quit smoking in one step

As you might imagine from the title, I’m an ex smoker. I smoked for about 5 years, around half a pack a day on average for the last 3 years of smoking, gone cold turkey 8 months ago. The article name is a joke, the only real step you need to do is never smoke another cigarette. Congratulations, you are now an ex smoker. I’ll try to articulate my thoughts about the whole experience, how I started, why I stopped and what kind of impact did it have on my life.

TL;DR version: if you’re smoking you need to stop as soon as humanly possible. It’s hard for some people, it is easy for some – I was fortunate enough to be in the latter group.

Some facts, por favor?

Smoking is not a habit as some like to say. Masturbating before you go to bed is a habit, twirling your hair is a habit, picking your nose in public is a habit. Wikipedia says: “Addiction is a state characterized by compulsive engagement in rewarding stimuli, despite adverse consequences.” Yes, smoking is a full blown addiction just like those alcoholics, crack cocaine users, heroin junkies and so on. Being addicted to nicotine is far more socially acceptable, and up until very recently in our history was practically considered cool. I don’t think I need to go into much detail as how it’s bad for the smoker. The cigarette risk is cumulative and everyone is very prone to dismiss it since it’s relatively harmless in the very short run. You can’t OD on the cigarette, or smoke so much that you’re unable to come in at work in the morning. A lifelong chain smoker can smoke up to a million cigarettes. Try to imagine them all on the floor of your apartment.

Smoking in Croatia is very widespread; it’s allowed in all the bars, pubs, discos, cafes, etc. The estimated numbers in the country are that the third of the adult population are smokers. That number is absolutely devastating for a country which has a modest population of about 4 million and has more than 8000 deaths deaths per year attributed directly to smoking tobacco. Lung cancer was practically unheard of in the medical community before cigarettes were brought en masse to the general public. I realize you have to die of something, and not all cancer can be attributed to smoking. This is one of those very rare times in life where you can avoid a terrible disease easily – by not smoking. Cancer is not the only unwanted side-effect, you can get chronic obstructive pulmonary diseases, cardiovascular issues, etc. The list is pretty long, and as an average smoker you can definitely expect to have a shorter lifespan on average compared to your fellow nonsmoker. It’s not a 100% chance that you’ll develop cancer, or COPD, or whatever. It’s more like around 50% that you’ll have some adverse effects of the constant smoking which will dramatically decrease your quality of life, decrease your lifespan or even die from it before your time. Feel like rolling the dice?

Why smoke & how does the addicted mind work?

Sure, I’ve laid down all the facts, smoking is terrible, smoking is destructive, smoking is expensive. You might ask: “MrKitty, if you’re so smart why did you smoke the 10000-15000 cigarettes, a conservative estimate? Dumbass.” To this, I have no real answer or explanation, other than – I got addicted like all the other poor bastards. What current smokers and never-smokers have to understand, addiction is surprisingly transparent to the addict. I didn’t really comprehend the reality of my addiction until well after I had stopped completely. When you’re a smoker, the cigarette becomes like a natural extension of you. Of course you’re gonna light one up after lunch, at coffee, at a pub, while drinking beer, walking home etc. You find solace in the cigarette, you find companionship as dumb as it sounds. All of this is, of course, complete and utter horseshit. You don’t find anything in the cigarette, other than the need for more cigarettes and more anxiety. You start smoking these things after a while without even getting any kind of a kick. Your body builds up such a tolerance that you basically only replenish the nicotine in your body without the nice feelings it once had brought you.

Ask any smoker why they smoke despite knowing all the bad stuff about the “habit”. You’ll almost always get the answer “Because I get a kick out of it!” They don’t especially like it, they’re trapped in a vicious cycle of maintaining nicotine levels in their bodies. There is no satiating the hunger, it’s almost always there.

Taken from http://whyquit.com/pr/122711.html
Taken from http://whyquit.com/pr/122711.html

It’s 3:30AM, the club is almost closed. My smoker friends are all out of cigarettes and I maliciously laugh at them. The last one was shared and smoked between the two of them. They’re so used to the cigarettes with their beers that they’re totally cranky now even though they HAVE JUST SMOKED the last cigarette. So, the club is closing, I finished my beer, I say it’s time to call it a night, I stutter to my bike and I go home. But no, the two of them decide to take a walk to the gas station which is some 2 kilometers away from the club and in the wrong direction from their homes to buy a pack of cigarettes or two, and of course proceed to smoke it. Even though it’s the weekend and 4 AM in the morning, they’ve had busy days and they could have just gone home, but no… they went in the cold and bought cigarettes. Yeah, they’re getting their kick all right. If they ever read this post, they’ll recognize themselves, no hard feelings guys. :)

I know I’m taking the moral high ground now, but in my defense I was never so irrational about this stuff. If the cigs ran out, oh well, they ran out, I’d just buy some more in the morning don’t you worry. The addict rationalizes his addiction by calling it a habit, and claiming it somehow improves their lives and their social life. It does nothing of the sort. I gradually started smoking, it was just a couple of cigarettes here and there, nothing special. Little by little I increased the dosage. The little voice inside me kept telling me that this is wrong, but I somehow didn’t care. Cigarette smoking has a level of self-destructiveness attached to it. At first I’d get sick from the smoking, but I kept on pushing like a brave little soldier. So you get used to them, you buy them as soon as they run out, you can’t imagine drinking a fucking cup of coffee without a cigarette, or a beer. Anything, really, you always find some reason to smoke. You justify and rearrange your whole day to smoke. It is a disaster if you leave the house without the pack and lighter.

How and why did you quit, MrKitty?

In the last months it really started to bother me. I’ve been feeling nauseous a lot of the time, I was feeling physically weak. Nothing that can’t be cured with a cigarette, of course. A friend of mine and his girlfriend came to visit me over one weekend in May. Of course, we smoked, we drank, we went out. That Sunday I had an uneasy ache in my lungs. I felt that I really poisoned myself this time. I saw them out of the building, and bummed a cigarette from my friend while they were waiting for the taxi to take them to the bus station as they were leaving. Wow, that cigarette really didn’t hit the spot. In the elevator ride up I decided, okay, I’m qutting. For reals this time, honest to $DEITY!

I had tried quitting already two years before that. I somehow overestimated myself, I got this shit. I can do it. I’ll just smoke a couple over the weekend with the guys, no big deal. Yeah, that didn’t work out. I held out a couple of weeks and basically continued where I had left off. Not sure what was my rationalization then, but it was apparently enough to keep smoking. The first couple of days were no problem. I had missed the smoking to some extent, but it wasn’t terrible. I noticed how much of my daily routine was revolving around smoking. I suddenly didn’t take smoke breaks with my coworkers. I decided to make a compromise, I’ll continue some of this routine so I’d go out with them to keep them company while refraining from smoking myself. I didn’t rob myself of anything I’d been doing before. I still went out to bars, went out to coffee, beers etc. When I was drunk, I would definitely get the urge. Someone is always smoking, you’re always in temptation to have “just one”. If you’re serious about quitting, you need to buckle down and ride it out. Yeah, you’ll want to smoke, you can’t get rid of it. But sooner or later, you find something, and you’ll start appreciating life more as a non smoker.

I started picturing myself getting sick, having to explain to my now small son why I’m dying of lung cancer or something. You might call that hypochondriacal, but if I go down the line of smoking that is a more likely scenario than I would like to have for myself. Well, I said fuck that! This is something that I’ve been putting off long enough, maybe I should just bite the bullet and ride that shit out. So the days went on by, I had no real cravings during the day. The thought of taking up a smoke was following me like a spectre for some time. My friends that would usually smoke with me had to learn that I don’t smoke anymore. The addiction was strong in me after all, its amazing how it haunted my thoughts, how much time I actually spent thinking about cigarettes. I didn’t want to smoke them, but I was always compelled to think about it, getting all euphoric at times that I’m not a smoker anymore. Like a curse had been lifted from me, I’m finally free.

Pros & Cons, in alphabetical order?


  • None


  • Your taste buds and smells totally awaken. You get used to it, but in the meantime everything smells and tastes delightful. Enjoy it until it becomes the norm. (aprox. 1 – 4 weeks from the last cig)
  • Your stamina is increased by a lot, unbelievable (a couple of months since stopping)
  • You start living a different life, I’ll cautiously say, a healthier life. (from the last cigarette until you die)
  • Financial gain. Cigarettes are expensive, wherever you are, it’s always affordable in the end, but they’re not too cheap.
  • Too many for this puny bullet list.


While they may be free of the 4000 chemicals the anti-smoking lobby is always mentioning, it’s still nicotine and you don’t want to feed the addiction, get rid of it completely, so you don’t succumb to temptation of having that “just one” real cigarette. I know people that have gone onto the E-cigarette, only to chain smoke a pack or two because they were “stressed”. Newsflash, the stress mostly stems from the fact that you’re going through nicotine withdrawal most of the time, and the E-cigarettes do nothing but pump you full of nicotine and are prolonging your misery.

The industry?

They’re mostly big international conglomerates with a lot of cash flow basically selling us an addictive, expensive, highly dangerous poison. It’s somehow OK, while a little weed is a Problem. I guess the taxation of cigarettes comes in nicely, so everyone is happy. It’s okay not to give these guys money. Here’s a John Oliver video covering it, he’ll say it better than me.

Jeff might be sick from all the smoking.
Jeff might be sick from all the smoking.

Any conceivable conclusion?

A colleague of mine at work unwittingly gave me the inspiration to really try quitting. He too, was addicted, and doesn’t smoke anymore. So, it can actually be done? Be a non smoker? I’ve browsed through a website called whyquit.com. A relatively weird site, it looks like it came from the nineties, and it probably is. The guy behind it is called Joel Spitzer. He never smoked which is weird when you hear at first. How can he know anything about it? Well, he can, he never smoked and right off the bat he’s better than you, harsh as it sounds. He has an almost evangelistical approach to treating this addiction, and I feel like he’s a good person. It’s hard to say about people like Joel, you get bits and pieces from the distant American culture, but this guy seems all right. He talks about it from a very nice angle. Here is his palmolive bottle demonstartion. He finishes all his videos with “Never take another puff!”

Whether your motivation is the cash influx, or something else it doesn’t matter, it’s hard to give up the drug. Joel says in one of his videos that if you’re going into smoking, you are putting yourself at very real, albeit distant in time risk. Sure, you might live through your life as a two packs a day smoker and die on your 92nd birthday, or you might die from lung cancer at the ripe age of 54. I’ll go with the option that at least precludes lung cancer and a whole palette of nasty ailments. :)

I realize I may come off as a bit sanctimonious, that was never my intention. If you got any smarts, you’ll drop it cold turkey and never look back. Try to lose the nicotine, everyone has got to find their own way. There is no downside to quitting smoking, always keep that in mind. Smokers are addicts and overcoming an addiction is not easy. I bet a lot of people made it their resolution to stop. My only advice is to try cold turkey, convince yourself of whatever you need in order to stay clean.

How am I now?

I don’t think about smoking anymore. I have a lot of smoker friends, they smoke their stuff, I don’t and that’s pretty much it. The memories of me smoking are becoming unreal, have I ever smoked? It left a little bit of emotional scarring I must confess. Not sure why, I’m probably not going to have health issues, but still, it’s unbelievable that I fell victim to such a dangerous, highly addictive substance. At least I learned a valuable lesson from all of this, I managed to get myself addicted and get myself out of it. Perhaps I’ll be more careful next time with something else. In the meantime, I’m watching my son grow older, enjoying time with my lovely wife and generally taking care of myself and enjoying life as much as possible. If I’m not gonna do it, who is?